An incoherent way to live

I feel like writing to try to organize my thoughts. It might be the first time I write without being really depressed. I am actually quite happy today and it is not because things are working out, they aren't. I am still lonely and still not in control of life. I want to change things. In my head, a lot of the concepts I had, I see them differently. I judge them differently. I want to change. I need to change. Change my way to enjoy life. I seem never to live it fully. I should take more chances and see where they take me. I am just afraid that if something go wrong, I will be destroyed. I need to learn to face life and its misfortunes as nothing more than some tiny part of an amazing adventure. What is the use of hiding my feelings? Of not taking chances? Of planning every little step and not leaving anything to fortune? I have no answers, but I at least seem to know a few questions. As a scientist, or a try to be, the answer is what drives me forward, what makes me keep going. This week I take a bigger step than I ever did. That's my goal.