Lonelyness

How do I explain to someone that being lonely and feeling lonely are not the same thing. One can be lonely and not feel lonely. I get the loneliest when I am surround by a group of friends and I just don't know what it is happening, what are they talking about. It is like I am an outsider that doesn't belong. That's feeling lonely and not being lonely. I went to a small concert this week to see Making Marks, another norwegian band. I went completely alone as the person I call my best friend didn't bother to join me. Anyway, I was feeling ok, I don't mind going alone to a concert or being alone. I learned a long time ago not to fear being lonely. The only problem was that I was the first to arrive and one of the very few to watch the concert that was postponed in a few minutes to see if more people would come. I enjoyed my time reading the news on my smartphone. If I only had the courage and the words to go and talk to people, to the band. Anyway, I talked with no one, but at the same time I wasn't feeling lonely. I felt more pity on the band that didn't have much of an audience. Well, that's how I can explain this two different things.

Another piece, just another piece

It is always the feeling of being part of something that drives us to big crowds, to like certain things just because others likes, to dance in a certain way,... To watch a game in a stadion is fun because of the other people around reacting together to the same events. The duo BOY has a song about loners and how they try to feel less lonely by being surrounded by an immense number of people. It made me remember all the times I felt like this and how being in a crowd just made me feel more lonely. I can't talk easily with people, it doesn't matter if people think I am sociable, I know I am not. I tried to find someone to go to a concert with me and only on the last minute a couple of friends decided to go with me because they felt pity. I don't want to have people feeling pity. I enjoyed and thanked that they went with me, so I didn't have to be alone, but all I really wanted was someone that would go because they have the same taste in music as me. I love the friends I have and they help me keep being alive. However I still couldn't find the friend I always wanted when I was a child. A friend so similar to me that would go anywhere with me and not on pity. Someone that would really want my company and that I know what to talk always. Few times in my life I felt this connection and only for a limited time. I try as hard as I can to not fear being alone, but the shadow just don't leave my head. I write to take things out of my head. That's why I only feel like writing when I am depressed. We are all one of a kind and all the same. We are all just another piece in the crowd.

Small Bands

Once I wrote how I missed the experience of a 'real' rock concerts and how the big bands have such perfect concerts. Well, fortunate I opened my musical spectrum and started to listen to some small bands that hardly no one knows. One of them is Moddi. Compared to many bands I am obsessed at the moment, he kinds of have a lot of followers. Anyway, after 3 months listening to his song non-stop, I went to his concert last Friday. It was great. I was so afraid the live version might not sound like in the album, but it sounded just like it. It was great to hear him explaining when/how/why he wrote a certain song and the fact that I could easily get an autograph. In my opinion, being a small band is much better. One can really connect with ones audience, with the people that really enjoy ones music for how it sounds like and not for being trendy or something else. A friend recommended me this TED talk that translate this whole idea I am trying to expose. http://www.ted.com/talks/amanda_palmer_the_art_of_asking.html