The fire that woke up a city and afterwards a country

I just heard about the deaths in Santa Maria (RS). More than 200 people lost their life in a night that was suppose to be remembered as fun. Mostly, if not all, still learning who they were and the way they were going to follow. University students having fun while they still can. In this scene appears an irresponsible musician that decides to fire a firework or something similar indoors and the lack of preparation for emergencies. Did this club have a license? How come a place that apparently can take ~1000 people has only one small door? This was a tragedy that shocked the world. This is just an unfortunate tragedy that may have to happen sometimes to make things change. I hope they do. I hope many other things change. Justice has to come back to Brazil and make living there more safe. Since I am living in Europe, people ask me if I plan to go back. All I can say is that I hope to stay here. Life is so much easier when one don't have to worry about safety. This brings me really unhappy. Brazil is not even the worst case scenario in the world. Things need to change and I hope to be of any help.

Snow

I can say now that I kind of saw snow quite a lot in my life. However, when the flakes are falling in the beautiful and peaceful white background, I cannot help myself and not to stop to see they falling. It is like there is magic in the air and everything can happen. The white makes it all so bright and somehow happy. The way the snow covers the plants it is like a blanket putting nature to sleep through the cold days. Yesterday I saw frozen fog on trees for the first time. It was also magical. It is incredibly beautiful. It is like being inside a snow globe. I am still waiting for my white Christmas, but at least I already have snow in kind of a regular basis...

Amizade

Quando eu tinha doze anos e vi que meus supostos "amigos" não eram aquilo que eu realmente achava que um amigo deveria ser, pensei que amizade era apenas um mito da vida adulta e que as pessoas viviam nessa mentira por alguma razão que eu não entendia. Hoje, 11 anos depois, tendo mudado 3 vezes de cidade e conhecido diversas pessoas, eu posso dizer que amizade realmente existe. A mudança chega mais uma vez na minha vida, mas tenho certeza que essas amizades irão permanecer. Desde meus primeiros verdadeiros amigos que conquistei no 2° Grau, que mesmo sem nos vermos por anos, quando nos encontramos, parece que o tempo não passou. Alguns vieram durante a minha graduação, embora posso dizer que uma barreira sempre continuou existindo e não sei exatamente se eles se encaixam na minha definição de amigos de verdade, definição de uma menina aos 12 anos. Agora, os amigos mais recentes, que conquistei durante meu mestrado, esses me fizeram sentir parte de grupo desde o ínicio. Mesmo quando me sentia intimidade por estar no meio de tanta gente, eles continuavam a tentar me fazer sentir confortável. Finalmente encontrei pessoas que posso chamar de amigos no sentido que eu sempre achei que deveria ser. Eles me incentivam, me ajudam, me escutam quando eu preciso. Tem alguns que já estão até planejando me visitar no meu novo destino, mesmo com orçamentos apertados. Gostaria de agradecer a todos meus amigos. Vou sentir muita falta de vocês. Vocês me fizeram perceber o que amizade realmente representa e que esta realmente existe.

And here I am...

And here I am... waiting for the snow to return, listening to Moddi and crying... I can't help myself. His music just turn me upside down, makes all my feelings emerge, makes me feel alive and somehow lonely. I am listening to such beautiful songs that can touch my soul and I am crying. Quite pathetic... What is wrong with me? I can't say if this is completely normal, and even if it is, but I am going through a time in my PhD that I wonder if I am doing the right thing with my life. Well, I like what I do. I like studying stars and its pulsations. I like unravelling the universe... However, sometimes I think I just followed the current and ended up here where I stand, for now. Should I have been a designer? I am so keen on details of graphic arts that I sometimes wonder if I should have followed this path, but then again I think I am not creative, I can only deal with what is already there. I don't know. I simply don't know. That is really hard to take in. That one doesn't really know oneself. I have no plan B for now and plan A is getting blurred and blurred. I wish I could express myself better...