Und es kommt wieder

And here we are again. The loneliness is back. The feeling of incapacity, of being nothing payed me visit again. I have achieved so much since last time. I have been trying to talk to strangers more and more. I have made friends outside my working place. Still I am here, lonely, but actually not. Why do I have to feel this way when it isn't even true? I have a family, actually many families. I have my blood family back home. I have my best friends that are another family. In every city I have ever lived, I left a family behind and I can always count on them. So I do I feel so lonely? I just wanted some magic to happen with me. I let myself go weak again. Let someone disappoint me on the same way again. I should have kept it to myself. I need some balls to start acting by myself and stop needing so much encouraging. I need to be more independent and a bit more selfish. I need to care of myself first before I can help other people. What is the use of helping someone when one can not even help themselves?