You, another mistake

I thought you were different...
My mistake
No answers is my type of game
You were interested in knowledge of all forms
The best quality anyone can have
With those interesting and mysterious eyes
And a sweet beautiful smile
I let myself be fooled
Ignored my first impression
You couldn't be arrogant
You seemed so nice

Now you are gone
I'm in no mental condition to run after you
And you care less about me
We won't see each other again
Maybe in some music concerts
Because yeah, you had a pretty good taste in music
Taught me so much in so little time
Such a young soul with such an experience

I will have to forget you
I don't know how yet
Forgetting is not my strength
Obsessing is more my thing
Only time can let me forget
Something I am not sure how much I have

Is that enough?

I guess I am never going to be cured
I will have to live like this forever
Can I change to enjoy the pain?
Change...
Something not feasible
We are what we are
As much as we wish to be something else
Lesson learned in therapy
Acceptance is all that's left
Is that enough?

One more year

one more year
that I am still here
stuck
going nowhere
burying myself deeper

one more year
I survived
despite the pain

one more year
countless madness moments
planning the inevitable

one more year
living with a clock bomb
anxious to see its end

one more year
trying to love
and failing
is love even real?

one more year
feeling useless
doing nothing

one more year
trying to put myself together
a full time job
no time for fun

one more year
that's all it was
all that I get

Happiness?!

Did I even once had it together?
No, I don't think so
I am not even sure I know what happiness mean
I had some moments when I was calmer
But nothing to keep me going

Normal vs different

No matter what
things don't change
I will keep being like this
all that's left is to accept
this need of being me
and will of being normal
battling each other
till I am done
...

When the fun ended

And suddenly
it all stopped
the music
the dancing
the happiness around
nothing more could help
the fun was gone
I was all numb
an anesthesia to feelings
this time I escaped
but what about next time?
will there be a next time?

A mess of contradiction

I recently started doing therapy. I had two sessions so far. I am not sure yet what and how can it help. I learned that I am a contradiction in many ways. I get bored easily, but I like repetition a lot. I need to move and keep moving, but I am lazy as hell. I might be intelligent, but I feel dumb all the time. I hate small talk, but I don't know how to get to big talks. I don't trust people easily for certain things, but for others, I trust them too fast....