Another piece, just another piece

It is always the feeling of being part of something that drives us to big crowds, to like certain things just because others likes, to dance in a certain way,... To watch a game in a stadion is fun because of the other people around reacting together to the same events. The duo BOY has a song about loners and how they try to feel less lonely by being surrounded by an immense number of people. It made me remember all the times I felt like this and how being in a crowd just made me feel more lonely. I can't talk easily with people, it doesn't matter if people think I am sociable, I know I am not. I tried to find someone to go to a concert with me and only on the last minute a couple of friends decided to go with me because they felt pity. I don't want to have people feeling pity. I enjoyed and thanked that they went with me, so I didn't have to be alone, but all I really wanted was someone that would go because they have the same taste in music as me. I love the friends I have and they help me keep being alive. However I still couldn't find the friend I always wanted when I was a child. A friend so similar to me that would go anywhere with me and not on pity. Someone that would really want my company and that I know what to talk always. Few times in my life I felt this connection and only for a limited time. I try as hard as I can to not fear being alone, but the shadow just don't leave my head. I write to take things out of my head. That's why I only feel like writing when I am depressed. We are all one of a kind and all the same. We are all just another piece in the crowd.