What fills my mind

How to write about something so many had written already. Even if it is about the same feeling, it still feels different. Did all those writers really felt this way? How can I have let myself go this way. I cannot think about nothing else. Is it pride? Is it love? But I don't believe in love. If so many wrote about it before, was everyone mistaken about it being love? I don't want to ever feel this again. I never got to the good part, been only mistreated. Maybe I was just another idiot to fall in love with the wrong person and enter into an abusive relationship. I felt and still feel very cheap. I wouldn't want anyone to feel it this way. Am I worth something? I hope so. I say I want revenge, but it might hurt me a bit more. What can I do to move on? I have been trying hard, but he cannot escape my mind. I tried to convince myself he is not worth all this suffering, after all he treated me like crap. The worst thing is that I actually let him treat me like that in fear of losing him. Well, I lost him anyway and now I am feeling with no value. How can he mess up with me so hard? If only I could understand a little bit. The sad thing about being logical is to always wonder about the answers. One has to be careful not to go crazy, well too crazy since I am a little bit already.