I feel like I am getting better in letting my walls down and getting people in, but the more I think I am getting better, the fast the people leave. Am I such a boring person not worth having around? Am I really so awful to keep even if as an acquaintance? My agony and depression, my most constant friends keep telling me that is all my fault. That I should be different. Or just disappear.
Plans to get attention come to my mind. I start thinking about hurting myself. Isolating myself from all others. Why do I need attention? Why do we all need attention? Why do we care about others opinion? It doesn't matter how nice someone seem, one will never know the their true self. One can only perceive what the other person wants one to perceive. I hate the nice people more and more. I am a nice person. And I hate myself the most. I feel like the bad people, one can at least tell that they are bad and not be in doubt.
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