I keep my shield

A new chapter began and I am still not so different than what I was before. I try going crazy in a way and behave how so many people do, but I get tired easily. Even if I have fun for a while, it is just not me. I am crazy, I like the crazyness, but I am also quiet and locked in my bubble. I am still afraid of intimacy. As if I showed my true self, I would lead people away. As if I let people in, they could cause so much more damage. I keep my shield for now. Maybe I am ready to start making it thinner and thinner until someday it vanishes completely...